In a World Without You
by OstentatiousNature
Summary: Takes place New Moon after Edward called Bella’s house, only to have Jacob tell him or at least he interprets it that way that Bella is dead-Written from Edward’s point of view about his feelings on this and the events that follow PLEASE READ AND REVIEW
1. Part I: Contemplation of Hell

In a World Without You

By: Natilie Sawada

Takes place in New Moon after Edward called Bella's house, only to have Jacob tell him (or at least he interprets it that way) that Bella is dead.

Written from Edward's point of view about his feelings on this and the events that follow

PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!!

--

**PART I: Contemplation of Hell**

"And I tried to think of how I'd start again

But a world without you is not worth living in"

-A World Without You

By: The Mitch Hansen Band

--

It's strange how it takes a lifetime (and even longer in my case) of endless effort, and painful sacrifice to construct even the slightest shred of happiness.

Strange how, in a split second, four words can destroy everything you've ever worked towards and held dear in this world.

A half a second is all it takes.

"He's at the funeral."

In that second…my world collapsed.

I snapped the phone shut unconsciously. In that endless second, it seemed as if the world had taken a giant leap and was hanging in midair—frozen before the fall. I was in shock, denial, whatever you wanted to call it. I was suddenly sitting in a world of shadows. All the light—all the color had suddenly vanished. The world was made up of empty shadows—nothing more than darkness—an empty shell of its former glory.

And I was a hollow shadow too.

No, I wasn't a hollow shadow.

I was no shadow.

Just hollow.

The suspended moment came to an end, and the pain caught me—scorching, searing pain that raked razor edges across the wound in my chest I'd inflicted upon myself by leaving.

Such pain! I cried out, screaming, not at all surprised that the screech of agony formed into her name on my lips as it was ripped from my lungs.

This was so much worse than being tuned because I knew there was no end—no light at the end of the tunnel—no waking up from this nightmare.

So much agony was there, that I could not form a coherent thought.

No, no…Bella…sorry…so sorry…no…Bella…

I writhed, the empty shell, the soulless creature I was in her absence bursting into flames. But it was entirely the pain of losing her for which I screamed.

I screamed for the unfairness—the injustice of it all.

It was my fault.

All

My

Fault

If I had been able to resist going back to Forks after I left for Alaska, if I had been able to resist the intoxication of her scent, if I had been able to resist my deathly curiosity about the secrets in her mind, if I had been able to resist falling endlessly, helplessly, insanely, stupidly, recklessly, irresponsibly, irrevocably in love with her…she would still be breathing.

If not for me, she would still be alive.

I was weak.

And now she was paying the price.

Her being gone—the thought of losing her alone was enough to make me writhe and scream in pain. But the guilt of knowing it was my fault – my fault that I would never see her smile again.

She was dead.

Therefore, I was dead. I could not keep living in a world where Bella did not exist.

But it seemed too easy—an escape, rather than a punishment for the soulless vampire who had driven an innocent little girl to suicide. If there was no afterlife for my kind, as I suspected, would there be relief in death? Even when I was ash, would I still feel the torture—the agony of losing her? For the sins I had committed, I was the last person who deserved relief from agony such as this.

But maybe Carlisle was right. Maybe there was something beyond the existence that was suddenly meaningless. Certainly heaven--paradise—the like…those gates were closed for all eternity to me. Then, if in theory, Carlisle's hopes were fulfilled (that there was indeed something beyond this life) and our kind continued on, I would no doubt be treading the downward trail.

I thought suddenly, insanely of Dante's "Inferno". Certainly I was meant for the innermost circle, the one reserved for the vilest of creatures—the most hideous of sinners. Surely, driving the one think I held dearest in the universe—my precious Bella—to throw herself off a cliff (I shuddered and another wave of agony broke over me) counted as one of the worst crimes one could commit.

Killing your own true love.

Through all the scorching, searing pain of her loss, I laughed ruefully.

The devil would praise me for this sin—the most vile of deeds. I had most defiantly earned his favor. In some small corner of my mind, I wonder at how I could possible suffer worse than this in Hell. Was there any pain worse that this? Any pain worse than knowing that my fragile little Bella had slipped through my fingers for all eternity?

Despite all the guilt, despite the sick masochist I was at heart…

I just couldn't stand the pain anymore!!

I felt weak and cowardly, as I started to contemplate plans, but quickly quashed them before Alice could pick them up.

I groaned.

Alice.

She was going to make this difficult. Not to mention Carlisle…and Esme…

I could see her face—so trusting, so loving…

Trust I hadn't earned.

Love I didn't deserve.

This would kill Esme. Not to mention Carlisle, Alice, Jasper, Emmett…well Rosalie might not mind too much, I thought bitterly.

But all this time, Bella was occupying my every thought except for the one of my family. With her in my head—the pain of her loss and my guilt ripping through my body as if I were being sliced to ribbons— it was impossible to think of a resounding reason to live.

Not even my parents and family, with all their unconditional love. Even with them there, I could not live. This pain would never ease, I realized.

The only escape—the only option was death.

I remembered the words spoken in a lighter time—my personal golden age, filled with sunlight. She really was my sunshine—I truly sparkled in her presence.

_"I do admit," I allowed as we watched Romeo and Juliet on her eighteenth birthday. "I do sort of envy him here." She cried at the movie, something that was very bittersweet to me. I pressed my lips into her hair._

_"She's very pretty," Bella murmured. I almost choked._

_"I don't envy him the girl—just the ease of the suicide," I teased. "You humans have it so easy! All you have to do is throw down one vial of plant extracts…"_

_"What?" She gasped. I looked down at her in surprise to find her face horrified. I didn't know she could see the dark thoughts lurking far beneath the surface of my casual exterior._

_"It's something I had to think about once," I admitted slowly, "and I knew from Carlisle's experience that it wouldn't be simple. I'm not even sure how many ways Carlisle tried to kill himself in the beginning…after he realized what he'd become…" I snapped back from my thoughts which had been centuries away. "And he's clearly in excellent health." Bella turned toward me._

_"What are you talking about?" She demanded. "What do you mean, this was something you had to think about once?" Flashes, images were in my mind instantly and I shoved them away. I squeezed Bella's slight form in my arms—assuring myself she was still there._

_"Last spring, when you were…nearly killed…" I took a deep breath. For once, I was struggling to find the right words…and the right tone in which to say them. "Of course I was trying to focus on finding you alive, but part of my mind was making contingency plans. Like I said, it's not as easy for me as it is for a human." It took her a moment to respond._

_"Contingency plans?" She repeated, uncertainty—anxiety seeping into her voice._

_"Well I wasn't going to live without you." I rolled my eyes. Obviously. As if there were any way I could live through losing Bella. "But I wasn't sure how to do it—I knew Emmett and Jasper would never help…so I was thinking maybe I would go to Italy and do something to provoke the Volturi."_

_"What is a Volturi?" She insisted._

_"The Volturi are a family," I explained, my mind still not entirely in my love's living room. "A very old, very powerful family of our kind. They are the closest thing our world has to a royal family, I suppose. Carlisle lived with them briefly in his early years, in Italy, before he settled in America—do you remember the story?"_

_"Of course I remember," she stated._

_"Anyways," I went on, "you don't irritate the Volturi. Not unless you want to die…"_

"Unless you want to die," I whispered to myself. Plans, actions, strategies suddenly stretched in front of me. My phone vibrated on the floor where I'd dropped it after my life had ended.

Obviously Alice had seen my plans. So what? Wouldn't she have known this was inevitable? She knew how my life was so desperately entwined with Bella's.

I picked up the phone, and headed downstairs from the filthy attic of a rickety, run- down hotel. I was in Rio, I remembered. It would take me a while to get to Italy if I didn't go soon. It was just after dark—the time on the opposite side of a sun-set from twilight.

The phone vibrated in my hand this time. I sighed, and focused, my mind already calculating, my chest burning, my heart gone.

I dropped the silver cell phone into the nearest trash can, ducked into the shadows and ran.

**END OF PART 1**

--

I really like the way this turned out **PLEASE REVIEW.** Edward just won't seem to get out of my head lately. Anyway, I think I'll continue it next chapter with Edward asking the Volturi to kill him. Mmm…this should be interesting. Strap yourselves in, kiddies, this isn't gonna be pretty.

(But please read it anyway when I get it posted )


	2. Part II: Request for Oblivion

In a World Without You (continued)

--

**PART II: Request of Oblivion**

"When you lose something you can't replace

When love is found but then misplaced

When all your efforts go to waste

How long will you last?

When you lose something you can't replace

When love is found but then erased

When all your efforts go to waste

You pray to end it fast"

-When You

By: Natilie Sawada

--

"So, to what do we owe this pleasant surprise?" The happy, enthusiastic voice asked me. I ground my teeth. The bright, cheery tone of Aro's voice grated against the bleeding wounds in my chest like a serrated edge.

How could anything look bright in this world?

"I'm afraid the circumstances of my visit are not so pleasant." Even to myself, my voice sounded dead, echoing slightly in the stone room. Aro's face fell infinitesimally.

"I'm sorry to hear that, Edward. But please, may we postpone the intent of your visit for one moment? Tell me, how is my dear friend Carlisle?"

"He's fine," I told him, and then added, "last time I saw him."

"You haven't been home?" Aro asked, his face slightly confused.

"I've had…" I swallowed, "a lot to deal with."

"And I'm supposing you thought our little family could assist you in some way?" I nodded. "Of course, we're more than willing. Any family of Carlisle's is a dear friend to us. Why don't you tell us," Aro suggested, waving his hand at the other two figures shrouded in grey cloaks behind him. Caius and Marcus stared blankly out from under the shadow of their hoods.

"It's…" I hesitated, "a long story. Not one that can be told properly using words alone."

"Ah," Aro sighed, recognition lighting his eyes. He extended his hand toward me. "Then, by all means…"

I hesitated.

Would the burning register as he read my thoughts? Would he see I was no longer drawn to this world—that I was empty?

Slowly I raised my hand and rested the tips on his fragile hand.

I went through everything once more.

The first day—the burning thirst, silent mind, quiet beauty, wide innocent chocolate eyes. Falling in love—the following, the obsession, how I just couldn't leave her alone. The car ride, the lunches, the exposed secrets. The meadow, her visit, the game, James, Victoria, and Laurent, the panic, the separations, the hunt, Alice's phone call, the heartbreaking letter, the fight, the blood, the hospital, the promise, the prom.

Her wish.

Romeo and Juliet, my words, the forest, the heart shattering screams of her nightmares that first night, the months of endless pain, and finally, Rosalie's call, my call, my thoughts, my pain.

My plan.

Aro abruptly staggered back, obviously overwhelmed by the events of my life over the past year. Caius and Marcus gazed on, their expressions not even flickering at Aro's wide eyes.

"Edward…" he breathed, "your life has changed quite a lot since last we met." I nodded. My expression felt empty, desolate—dead.

Like Bella.

"But surely you don't think we—I could ever do that to Carlisle. Take his son away from him? Certainly not."

"I'm not Carlisle's son," I contradicted. How I wished I was…

How I wished I was deserving of the trust Carlisle gave me.

"As close as any of our kind will ever be."

"But it's ­_my_ choice—_my_ life."

Her death.

I was still burning inside, the guilt tearing at me sickeningly.

"Yes," Aro agreed, his face grave for once in his life. "But surely you cannot want to end it. She was one human, Edward."

"I loved her, Aro. Surely you saw that. More than anything—more than life itself. I cannot _bear_ to live in a world where she does not exist."

"I saw your attachment to her," he agreed, nodding. "But it's not something to throw your life away over."

"There _is_ no life to throw away anymore—not without her!" My voice rose with the first emotion I'd felt since…

"Calm down, Edward," he cautioned, and I realized I was shaking, my hands balled into fists. "Don't do anything rash."

"_Don't do anything reckless or stupid."_

I clenched my fists tighter, the torture of grief washing over me again. I'd broken my promise: to stay with her—to protect her. Of course I could not blame her for breaking her own. It was not her fault I'd broken her heart. It was entirely my fault she was in so much pain.

But she was in a better place now.

And I was trying to follow her the best I could.

"We'll…consider it," Aro finally said, his voice hesitant.

_I can see his inner turmoil. Obviously he's in no mental condition to even consider join us now, so I had better not bring it up. But in time, he will solve his problems. Suck a waste of talent it would be…such a pity to destroy him._

"Would you kindly wait in the lobby, Edward?" Aro requested politely, "You don't mind do you? Just while we discuss things. It shouldn't take long. We don't want our guest to be uncomfortable."

I doubted I would notice if someone tore my arm off. I couldn't feel it above the torture—the burning.

"Of course not," I answered tonelessly, and I was sure my expression was either as equally devoid of emotion or twisted with pain. I couldn't tell.

"Thank you. We will not be long," he repeated, drifting along behind me as he walked me into the door.

"Thank you," I said flatly and strode into the bright lobby area, the human at the desk, the lights too bright and buzzing loudly, the tinkling elevator-type music playing indistinctly as background music.

I heard the inaudible click as Aro, having turned around and headed back into the room, shut the door behind him.

I sighed to myself, running my hand through my hair, and strode over to one of the chairs.

I settled myself in to wait for their decision on this; my personal judgment day—

my thoughts always of Bella.

**END OF PART 2**

--

Didn't have as much sentimental, suicidal, Emo thoughts in it, did it? -- hmmm…oh well, I like the way it turned out, regardless. I think I'll keep going. Edward won't get out of my head! Grrr. Oh well. Don't know how far I'll take it, but since Stephenie Meyer has decided against writing more of Edward's story and I still think it deserves to be told, I'll do it myself

Please tune in when I get the next part posted.

AND PLEASE REVIEW!!


	3. Part III: Destruction Denial

In a World Without You (continued)

**Part III: Destruction Denial**

"I don't care

If we lose it all tonight

Up in flames

Burning bright"

-_Blood to Bleed_

By: Rise Against

--

I opened my eyes, being drawn away from the pleasent memories I was reliving by the soft sound of footsteps on the stone floor. Looking up, I saw Jane striding across the lobby to reach me. I rose to my feet and bowed my head in greeting.

"Jane," I acknowleged. She nodded back--her only greeting.

"My masters have reached their decision," she informed me. I coud not even force my expression to change. There was nothing inside me to react.

I was hollow.

"Follow me," she said. She turned on her heel, her grey cloak flaring out behind her as she walked. Silently, I followed her.

My mind was full of images, words, sounds.

Bella--all Bella.

As we entered through the stone antichamber into the circular stone hall--the huge room that, the last time I had been here, had sent shivers down my spine. No light filtered down from the huge rectangular windows two stories up, telling me it was still night--possibly just before dawn. I couldn't tell, since time had ceased to mean anything since I'd recieved that phone call.

"Welcome back, Edward." It was Caius who greeted me this time. Hane took her place smugly beside Aro.

"Caius, Marcus, Aro," I acknowleged the all, nodding my head to each. "Thank you for considering my request," I said dryly, my voice dead.

Then I noticed.

Behind the three, the rest of the guard was congregated, black hoods up, covering their features. Relief flooded through me. If they had been summoned the entire guard, they had surely decided to grant my request. As much bliss as was possible in the torture of Bella's empty absence crashed over me.

I would not have to live without her too much longer, I assured myself.

"Yes, Edward, about your request..." something in Aro's tone froze the relief rushing through my long dry vains. "We have decided that we are unable to aid you in your indevor."

Horror.

No...there was no way out!

"But--" I started to protest, but Aro cut me off.

"It goes against what we work for. And Carlisle is--"

"Don't go bringing Carlisle into this," I snarled, anger rising in me. Anger and hatred. Anger and pain.

"Edward," Caius cautioned, "don't make us do something we will both regret."

"The only thing I regret," I hissed through clenched teeth, the anger momentarily clouding my vision, "is dragging Bella into all of this. Everything else can go to Hell, and _take me with it!_"

My stiff legs moved of their own accord, pulling me fast towards the door.

"Edward, stop!" Aro called. I could hear his worried, panicked thoughts:

_A vampire such as him in that mind set is a threat to our city! _

"Edward, wait!" I didn't respond. No one stopped me as I kept walking--too mad, too hurt, too empty for form words in my head. I'd already exited through the stone room and the lobby, and was now in the tunnels underneath the city.

I slamemd my hand into a wall as I passed, causing the ancient brick to shudder and crumble beneath my fist.

All I wanted was a way out.

And now that there was nothing left in this world that took priority over my own life, I could be as selfish as I wanted.

I could get my way if it was the last thing I did.

Literally.

I made my way up to the surface level through the maze of tunnels and up through a grate in the street, emerging into a secluded alleyway. Tilting my head, I surveyed the sky.

A hue of pink and orange carressed the dawn sky over Volterra. I wondered, vaguely--ignoring the flare of pain--what Bella would have thought if she'd seen this sky.

Movement in the main square far off caught my eye. A few people were hanging a gigantic banner over a shop window facing out into the square.

"ST. MARCUS DAY!" it read in Italian, "Volterra, Italy!"

A single half hearted laugh--sounding more like a coughing choke--escaped my throat. The sound hurt deep in my hollow chest.

St. Marcus Day. How ironic. The celebration of the day the city had become safe from vampire attacks.

If they would not grant my request, I decided, I would force their hand.

I _would_ join Bella soon.

I stared up into the sky again, and--judging by the colors painting the sky--determining it to be around six-thirty in the morning. What could I do to force them to end me?

I stared at the sky for a moment, lost in thought, determined to make this the last sunrise I would ever see.

The pinks in the sky began to brighten as I pondered my destruction.

**End of Part III**

--

Wow, that took me a while to get around to finishing. And it's really short too TT

I don't know, tell me what you think. I know I'll write at LEAST one more part, but probably two, but then I'll probably need you guy's opinions.

So feel free to review, thanks for reading, and please tune in when I get around to writing the next chapter!


	4. Part IV: Preparation for Annihilation

In a World Without you (continued)

**Part IV: Preparation for Annihilation**

************

"Talk about goin' out wit a bang."

************

-Fan Made Maximum Ride Trailer

.com

How did one go about this? I doubted there was a "How To" anywhere in this world that applied to my current circumstances.

It wasn't as if I wasn't ready—I was more than ready. It was just that I didn't have the slightest idea how to start.

I sat; my back pressed again the ancient, deserted alley wall. My knees drawn up halfway to my chest; feet planted solidly. I sighed, placing my forearms on top of my knees, hanging my head in the space between my paralleled arms.

I studied the dirt packed into between the cracks in the interval stone of the footpath tracked in by the thousands of tourists that had passed through here, their intentions infinitely less grave.

How could I convince them—to force them into what I wanted?

I focused every part of my mind on my plans, trying to force the burning agony to the back of my thoughts as I had done with my thirst for the past eighty-odd years.

But this was a different kind of agony—one that could not be soothed, but had been caused by the ending of a life.

No, not just a life.

_Her_ life—so much more infinitely precious than any other on the planet.

Gone.

I shook my head, trying to clear it.

But Bella was like a sedative, like a fog. Every few moments she started to cloud my thoughts with, not a dulling numbness, but a scorching ache of loss—a hollow anguish.

Lift a car in the main square? I wondered vaguely, trying to keep my thoughts on the task at hand. I had almost done that before—when I'd saved her from that Tyler Crowley's van. Another moment in which I'd almost lost her.

Had she taken him up on his date before her life was cut short?

Or perhaps it had not been Tyler she'd finally said yes to. Perhaps she'd finally agreed to Mike Newton. Whoever it was, I hoped she was happy—however fleetingly.

Because I was certain I hadn't made her happy, or if I had, it would hurt her more in the end.

I would have happily sat in that dusty attic, rotting away with the rafters for the remainder of eternity if my leaving her had allowed her to find someone that made her smile.

It would've been worth it just for that.

The proof that it had not all been in vain—that for once in my life, I could do something right by the one I loved.

"Focus, Edward." I muttered to myself, pushing the fog to the far corners of my mind. "Focus."

No, a display lifting a van, or throwing one wouldn't force them to do anything. They could explain it away quite easily—they were shooting a movie, or it was a special effects event for the festival. Easily consolable.

I wanted something that they could not explain away in time before they were forced to destroy me.

Speed? No, no one would see me.

Into my mind, drifted the Bella-fog, along with a crystal clear memory of running, running through the forest, adrenaline (or the vampire chemical equivalent) racing through my body with the warm weight of the human girl on my back.

_Stop it,_ I commanded, _don't think. It's over. It'll all be over soon._

What else would mark us for what we were, and force them to destroy me or risk exposing our race—that would break their number one rule.

Go on a feeding spree in the middle of the festival.

Prefect.

How ironic, though, my more surreal side mused, that on the day celebrating the extinction of vampires within the city walls, one strikes.

I would simply jump out from the alley, and attack the first person I saw. I could indulge myself before my life was ended in the one thing I had denied myself in my century long life.

Besides Bella.

Razor edges raked across the ragged empty hole in my chest.

Funny how you could live for a century, and in the overall picture, only four and a half months mattered.

The saying "It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all," suddenly drifted into my mind.

Certainly the person who came up with that statement had never been in my circumstances.

Of course, for myself, I would never give anything up for the few precious seconds in the scope of my long life I'd had with the only girl I could ever love. Anything, any pain, and punishment was worth the beauty of her smile, the kindness of her soul, the warmth of her personality, the feeling of her lips on mine.

But for her, for my Bella—I wish I had died in 1918, when I was supposed to.

For her sake, I wish my family and I had never come to live in the little town of Forks, that we had never met, never fallen in love.

I would have lived the rest of eternity alone, never knowing the joy, the bliss of her company. But that would have been fine. As long as she had been happy. She would have found someone, some human man that she would _really_ have fallen in love with.

Someone she would have married, and had children, and grown old with, someone—

"Focus!" I scolded myself under my breath. Would I ever be able to instigate my plan when my consciousness was varying so wildly; like a human's?

_El es muy bonito! _

He's very beautiful!

I heard the sound of a young child's mind cut through the usual background drabble I typically blocked out. I raised my head from its place between my arms to look up towards the mouth of the alley.

There a young girl with was standing precisely at the line where the light from the square faded into the dark shadows of the early morning alley. She was wearing a bright red dress, her dark hair pulled up into pig-tails on either side of her head by bright ribbons of the same color.

Her head was cocked to one side, studying me.

_Que son el aquí?_

Why is he here?

Because, little girl, I contemplated telling her, when you loose everything important to you in life, your desire to be in bright places with many happy people decreases significantly.

Unfortunately, I was the only one here who could read the other's mind.

"Como te llama?" The little girl asked, her high voice tinkling like a little Spanish bell.

What is your name?

Was she actually speaking to me? Most humans were supposed to shy away from us—from our alien-ness. A flare of agony ripped through me as I thought: apparently there are two exceptions to this rule.

"Me llamo Edward," I told her slowly after a moment, the Spanish reply rasping a bit on the way out.

My name is Edward.

She smiled, dimples appearing on her rosy cheeks as her lips pulled back to reveal a mouth of pearly white teeth.

"Qué son tú aquí?" She asked, repeating the earlier question she'd formed in her mind.

Why are you here?

I sat in silence for a moment, deliberating. Finally, I opened my mouth to reply, but a sudden shout from behind the little girl, in the square drew both our attentions.

"Nina! Dondé eres tú?"

"Nina!"

Nina! Where are you? Nina!

She turned back to me.

"Mi Madre y mi hermanita," she explained with a sheepish smile.

My mom and my little sister.

"Adios, Edward," she said with a little smile of pearly teeth. As she turned to go, she raised her tiny hand, pressing it briefly to her lips, then holding her palm out flat, and blowing.

She ran back off into the square.

I slowly raised my left hand into the air, catching an invisible kiss on the wind, and then held my palm out, staring into the space there.

"Adios, Nina," I whispered.

That's it, child. Run while you can.

No, I couldn't feed on these innocent people.

The face Carlisle, my savior, my mentor, my friend, my ­_father_ flashed through my mind. Couldn't I even consider him in my last moments—Carlisle, who had given up so much for me?

It would go against everything he'd worked for, for me, his first son, his first real companion, to leave this world in a frenzied, blood-lust filled haze.

I could not take innocent lives for my own reasons—my own escape.

I may be selfish, but I am not that much of a monster.

I was grateful for the height of the buildings and the overhanging balcony that blocked the sun that was now rising in the rapidly in the sky, although a beam or two filtered down onto the alley walkway, dripping spots of sunlight a few feet away from me.

I stretched out my right arm so it dipped into the sunbeam. The brilliant glittering light that reflected off the bare skin revealed by my white t-shirt was so intense after the darkness of the alley that I pulled it back immediately.

That was it. Plain and simple. I would just walk out into the sunlight.

I would not harm anyone; I would not put anyone at risk. I would go out the way Bella had picture me—sparkling and wonderful. The way I wished I could have been for her.

Now that my plan was set, I had no words, no thoughts. Just my plan, and the Bella-fog slowly creeping back into my mind.

The clock tower next to the alley boomed deafeningly, marking the 11:00 hour.

I could wait. I was 107 years old, what was an hour to me? I would wait until exactly 12:00 on this, St. Marcus day to portray the last act of the play of my life that rivaled even Romeo and Juliet in tragedy.

Only this time, my Juliet would not wake up.

The clock above me chimed again, and I rose to my feet more gracefully than was safe. Thankfully, no curious eyes were studying the shadows in the alley.

I stared down into my left hand again, where there was nothing but air and a theoretical kiss.

I closed my hand into a fist around the kiss, crushing it in my inhuman strength as the clock boomed its eleventh chime.

One hour, I assured myself, as I prepared myself for my final act.

**-End of Part 4-**

Yay! I had sooooo much fun writing this chapter _ longest so far. Hee hee, recognize the little girl?

Sorry if my Spanish is a little off, it's been a year since I've taken a class, so I'm a bit rusty.

But, I'm thinking I'll do one more chapter???? Idk, please review and tell me what you think and how far I should go if and when I write the next chapter. Thank you~


	5. Part V: View from Farewell

In a World Without You cont.

**Part V: View from Farewell**

********

"Why is it that two people can be perfect for each other…yet never be together?"

"Who ever said love guarantees you'll find happiness."

********

-Daisuke Niwa and Dark Mousy

DNAngel

********

"A statue stands in a shaded place

An angel…with an upturned face."

********

-Concrete Angel

By: Mariah Carey

---------------

I stood, five feet back into the shadows of the ancient alley. My mind was racing faster than it had since she had first stepped into that innocent little classroom.

I was really going to do this.

I was really going to do this.

It was almost over, I assured myself. Fifteen more minutes and I wouldn't have to exist without her anymore. It was almost over.

I closed and thought of her. Her eyes, her face, her laugh, her smell, her smile. Bella… She had been _my_ Bella. For however short a time. And for that I would take any punishment the afterlife had to offer, although I doubted it could be worse than this—worse than knowing she was gone, and I was to blame.

When you had eternity, time seemed to mean nothing—nothing at all.

Ironic how time would end up being the one thing I never had enough of. Time to tell her I loved her. Time to tell her I was sorry. Time to hold her, and kiss her, and let her know how wonderful, and perfect, and priceless, and utterly irreplaceable she was.

And now that proverbial clock had manifested above my head. Why did it continue to work after the very life force was gone? It didn't matter anyway. It was ticking towards my end, and I was grateful.

I was selfish.

I was a monster.

I hurt anyone and everyone I had ever cared for.

My parents—I had made them so distraught and now I was taking away their first son.

My siblings—I had made them worry, and now I was taking away their friend; their companion.

My Bella. Her most of all. I had loved her the most; cared for her more than anything on God's green earth. And I'd hurt her the most of all. Taken everything from her.

Absolutely everything.

Perhaps if my efforts over that past century or so had counted for anything; had any merit, maybe it would earn me to see one more time— enough time to apologize for everything; give me a chance to apologize for ruining her life with my selfishness; my existence. Let her know how sorry I was. It was more than I could hope for.

I said a silent goodbye to Carlisle and Esme, more my mother and father than my biological parents ever could have been. I hoped they'd stay safe and happy, and not grieve too long.

I said goodbye to Alice, my closest friend in the dark years of my life. Aside from my parents, this would upset her the most. I was leaving her as the only freak among freaks, and for that I was sorry. I wished I could tell her how much she meant to me, but once again the irony of time struck me hard. But at least Jasper would help her. I could always count on him.

I said goodbye to the other of my siblings: Emmett and Rosalie. They always knew how to brighten a room. They would help the rest of them.

And to my home: Forks, Washington. More my home than my birthplace of Chicago, more so than any place we had ever lived. It was truly a place I could have imagined myself living for the rest of eternity.

I wished I could have said my last goodbyes there, among the dense network of green trees and bushes, cloaked in the haze of fog, the slight chill brushing against my skin like caressing fingers.

I sighed. But if there was one lesson I had learned thoroughly, it was that life never usually gives you what you want.

But that was never it, was it?

It wasn't life, or luck, ore a higher power that had reduced my life, and hers, to what it was now.

It had been _my_ choices; _my_ decisions that had doomed us both in the end.

How could I have ever criticized Romeo? It is so easy to follow his path, that although I had promised myself dozens of times I never would, I found myself stumbling along in his footsteps.

In essence, I had become Romeo.

Could I have destroyed my own happiness any more thoroughly?

Yet, after Shakespeare had written out the entire tale, I found myself surprised when my story found the same conclusion. Only this time, my Juliet wouldn't wake up after I had drunk my vial of poison; walked into my sunlight.

So, after all the self discipline, self doubt, self loathing, self depriving, here I stood, at the edge of an alley in Volterra, awaiting the sound from above to signal my death. I wondered vaguely how long, how many more ominous ticks and tocks were left. But only in passing. It didn't matter how much time I had—there would never be enough time.

I felt as if I could stand here forever, despite the pain, remembering everything I had ripped away from my life with my own two hands.

What a sick masochistic lion.

My hands were at my sides, my feet parallel, my jaw squared. My entire being hummed with energy—as if it could sense the end coming. I supposed there were only a few more minutes left. Two? Three? What did it matter? I was determined not to dwell on time, with only a handful of minutes remaining. I was determined to keep my thoughts on her.

Of Bella. Of her smiling face. Of the way her eyes lit up whenever she saw me. Of the way she sighed my name as she slept. Of her lovely, wonderful voice—so clear in my head, it was almost as if she was here with me.

Dong… The first chime sounded.

"Edward!"

Dong....Dong…

How strange. Her voice was so clear.

Dong…Dong….

"Edward, no!" I must've gone crazy, I concluded. I wondered briefly if it was possibly for a vampire to reach insanity, but snapped my mind back to the important topic. She sounded so close—so…_real_. But she was gone. And it was my fault.

Dong…Dong…

I focused on the day in the meadow, the night I'd stayed with her for the first time, out kisses…the way her warm lips felt against mine…so real.

Dong….Dong…

I would never feel the world the way I felt Bella.

"No!" The Bella in my mind screamed. "Edward, look at me!" If she were here, she would surely disapprove of this plan. But I couldn't stand living in a world without her. And besides, she wasn't here. And never would be.

The clock chimed again:

Dong…

Dong…

Gone…

Gone…

It was time.

I raised my foot, preparing to take the step that would take me directly into the path of the sunlight.

_Goodbye. I love you,_ was my last thought.

END OF PART 5

Hmm, Idk. Should I end there, or continue on? This is so much fun to work on. It seems the character in Twilight I can most get into their head is Edward. ^_^

So thoughts on what you thought, and to continue, or not to continue.

PLEASE REVIEW!!!


End file.
